jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
