Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize