nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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