Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
