My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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