M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
