She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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