an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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