No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
