Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
