the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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