the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
