come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
