yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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