Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
