No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she told me i tasted like america
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
