YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Randomize
