Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
