I puked a lego.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
