Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
