i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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