Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
