I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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