I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
