i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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