I'm eating all of the evidence.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
