i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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