We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize