I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
