Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
