I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
