I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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