Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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