i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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