am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
