I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
