we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize