he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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