you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he just fucked me for my cheese..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
