i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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