your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
