ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
