i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize