No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
