I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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