how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish you could order shots online.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
