last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
