yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
