i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize