I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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