Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
