a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
