I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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