He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
