I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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