omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
