you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
