On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
