you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
