Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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