i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
