Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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