Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just found puke in my bra..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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