he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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