the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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