I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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