rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize