As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
