i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
