It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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