just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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