I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize