Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize